


Heartbreak Weather

by bazerella



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Deserves Love, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28858302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazerella/pseuds/bazerella
Summary: “We are going to be diving deep into the roots of love, Andrew,” Neil explained. “Things are going to get very romantic very fast. You have to promise you won’t fall in love with me.”Andrew almost fell out of his seat. He was about to laugh but found no trace of any emotion besides seriousness in Neil’s face. Part of the bit, Andrew guessed.Andrew looked Neil straight in the eyes and said, “I promise. I won’t fall in love with you.”It was the only promise Andrew ever broke.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 73
Kudos: 326





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!! 
> 
> The goal is for this fic to have its final chapter uploaded on Valentine's Day! 
> 
> Also don't let the title fool you, there is a happy ending!!!

Andrew Minyard did not care for love. See, love was the root cause of all his problems. 

Love was what was making his cousin, Nicky- the first person he ever felt safe with, the first person to give him a real home, leave. Yes, love was ripping Andrew’s safety net right out of his grasp and moving him to Germany. Love was taking one of Andrew’s favorite people and putting him an ocean away where he would undoubtedly be too in love and happy with his husband, Erik, to remember Andrew at all. 

Love was to blame as to why he no longer had any plans on Friday nights. What was usually spent playing video games and watching horrible movies was now coined as “date night”. When his brother, Aaron, and best friend, Kevin, sat him down to tell him the news Andrew stopped listening after “pining for one another all these years”. Aaron had said that nothing would change, but of course that was a lie. Aaron and Kevin couldn’t keep their hands off of each other and Andrew did not want to be a third wheel. 

All of his friends were happy and in love and in turn, didn’t have time for Andrew anymore. Renee was always busy with Allison. Dan and Matt made disgusting googly eyes at each other constantly. Jean and Jeremy weren’t happy unless they were making everyone gag with their PDA. 

There were so many pairs and Andrew found himself alone. It was NickyandErik, AaronandKevin, AllisonandRenee, DanandMatt. JeanandJeremy. Andrew and ... No one. It was Andrew and no one. 

It seemed love was contagious, and Andrew was desperately trying to make sure he was immune. Love was problematic. Love destroyed friendships and made people unfocused. It made people break promises and left people vulnerable. Andrew didn’t want to be vulnerable. Love was stupid, and pointless, and Andrew was going to consume as many heart break novels and songs as he could until he was absolutely sure his heart was impenetrable. 

Love would not be the end of Andrew Minyard. He was certain of it. 

And he was right, mostly.  _ Love  _ would not be the cause of Andrew Minyard’s undoing. 

Neil Josten would. 


	2. nothing breaks like a heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He preferred Neil to stay in his periphery. Andrew found that when he thought too much about Neil, his carefully constructed rules about love began to falter."

Andrew turned the volume up on his music exponentially. He didn’t care if afterwards he was left physically impaired and hard of hearing. As long as he didn’t have to hear Nicky anymore. 

_ Knock, Knock.  _

“Andrew, if you would just talk to me, I could explain what you  _ think _ you may have overheard!” 

Andrew didn’t need Nicky to explain shit. Andrew heard enough. As soon as Andrew and Aaron walked across that graduation stage next year Nicky was packing his bags, selling the house, and moving across the ocean to be with his lovely husband, Erik. Andrew hated Erik. 

Well okay, Andrew had eyes. He understood the appeal of Erik. He was tall, hot, muscular, could probably do push-ups with Nicky on his back and not break a sweat. Andrew didn’t mind when Erik came over and cooked for them either. What Andrew  _ did  _ mind was the fact that somehow Erik had persuaded Nicky into thinking that moving to Germany was the right next move. With Andrew and Aaron going off to college soon it just “made sense” and would “give them an opportunity to find each other again”. Whatever the fuck that meant. 

Andrew wasn’t completely heartless. Part of him got it. Nicky was married to Erik for five years now, but they spent most of their time apart. Nicky was barely thirty but he’d become a full time parent when he was just nineteen. He had come to be seven year old Andrew and Aaron’s knight in shining armor, giving up his whole life to give his cousins that he barely knew a chance at happiness. Andrew understood that Nicky deserved to be happy and have his own chance at normalcy with his husband. 

But did he have to be happy in  _ Germany?  _ What was wrong with South Carolina? Or literally anywhere else in America? If it was the general American south Nicky had a problem with then okay! Move up North! Go to New York or L.A! Andrew didn’t know why Germany had to be option number one. And why he had to hear about it when he was eavesdropping on a skype call no less. Was Nicky even going to tell them? Or was he just going to spring it on them while they tossed their caps in the air like “Hey congrats on your diplomas! By the way I’m moving to Germany with Erik since the two of you basically stole my life away at nineteen!” 

Not that Nicky had ever said that he regretted taking Andrew and Aaron in but...he had to resent them right? What nineteen year old wants to play house with two high maintenance seven year old twin boys? 

The truth was, Andrew loved Nicky. He loved how unapologetic he was about being himself, it was what made Andrew confident to come out to him when he was fourteen. He loved how he always made an extra plate of pasta without sauce for Andrew because he knew Andrew hated anything made with tomatoes. He loved that there was no hidden agenda with Nicky. Nicky loved Andrew and Aaron without question. He would do anything for them. 

Andrew was being selfish. Nicky deserved happiness, and if that happened to be miles and miles away from Andrew then Andrew had to let go. After all it wasn’t Nicky’s fault. It was love. 

* * *

“Nicky says you’re not talking to him.” Aaron invited himself to sit at the picnic table Andrew had claimed for his own at lunch. 

Andrew glared at his twin. “Don’t you have a tree to climb?” 

Aaron grinned, “Kevin has to talk to one of his teachers so alas my tree climbing will have to wait until he returns.” 

“Well when he does get here, feel free to leave with him,” Andrew suggested. He was in absolutely no mood to third wheel today. 

“Nah,” Aaron said. “So. Nicky? Why aren’t you talking to Nicky?” 

Andrew hesitated. Sure he was upset with Nicky, but he was only upset because he overheard something he shouldn’t have. He didn’t want to be the one to tell Aaron the news. 

“It’s nothing. Just something stupid about a show we watch,” Andrew lied. 

Aaron stared at him as though he knew he was lying but wasn’t sure if it was worth it to call him out. Eventually Aaron just hummed and went back to picking at his lunch. Andrew did the same. Distractedly poking at his macaroni and cheese that was definitely cold by now. He looked over at the other picnic tables. His gaze lingered on the table that he used to sit at. The table that was now completely coupled up. 

AaronandKevin. AllisonandRenee. DanandMatt. JeanandJeremy. 

Even though Aaron was currently sitting with him, Kevin nowhere in sight, Andrew still knew that his own twin had a pair. He still knew that despite Aaron being without Kevin right now, there was still someone who looked at Aaron like he was the only one that mattered. 

Andrew had thought he wanted that. Then he realized what a scam love was, and grew up. 

“Valentine’s Day is in two weeks,” Aaron said. 

“This concerns me why?” 

Aaron shrugged. “We were thinking of going to Love-A-Palooza.” 

_ We _ . No doubt meaning all of Andrew’s lovely and happily coupled friends. Love-A-Palooza was a bullshit concert that the town of Palmetto put on every year on Valentine’s Day. Local artists and bands sang cringey love songs to a crowd of people who were all in love with each other. There were balloon hearts everywhere and tacky heart shaped everything, including the food. Everything was either pink or red. The whole event made Andrew nauseous. 

“Sounds lame as fuck,” Andrew offered. 

Aaron frowned. Andrew remembered the good old days when he and Aaron were cynics together. When they would make fun of how mushy Nicky got whenever he received a letter from Erik, or how excited he got when Erik called. 

But now Aaron had Kevin and no longer found those sorts of things laughable. No, he  _ liked _ when Kevin surprised him with flowers, or held his hand in public. Aaron liked sitting on top of Kevin’s shoulders and splitting milkshakes in diners. 

See, love changes people. And that was precisely the problem. 

“Well I think Kevin and I are going to go with the rest of the group. You could come too, if you wanted.” 

Andrew’s dream come true: being a ninth wheel. 

“I think I’ll pass,” Andrew said. 

“I’ll get you a ticket anyway, in case you change your mind.” 

A waste of money, Andrew thought. But, hey, if Aaron wanted to waste his money then who was Andrew to stop him? 

“Okay,” Andrew said, hoping that this conversation was done. 

Aaron smiled, proud of himself as though he did something great. “Oh! Did you see Neil’s t-shirt today?” 

Andrew smirked, “Mordor fun run.” 

Neil Josten was sort of the class cryptid. He was friends with almost everyone but he didn’t sit anywhere at lunch. In fact during lunch, he was always nowhere to be found. It was like he had so many friends he didn’t want to offend anyone by picking a place to sit at lunch he just opted on not showing up at all. He always wore horrendous and ridiculous t-shirts that had some kind of pun on them or sweaters that looked so soft Andrew imagined it felt like wearing a cloud. 

Today Neil had on a black t-shirt that said “Middle Earth’s Annual Mordor Fun Run” with an outline of the mountain from  _ Lord Of The Rings _ . Andrew quite liked the t-shirt and probably would wear it himself in the privacy of his own home. 

“Where do you think he gets these shirts from?” Aaron asked. 

Andrew shrugged. He did not like to think too much about Neil Josten. He preferred Neil to stay in his periphery. Andrew found that when he thought too much about Neil, his carefully constructed rules about love began to falter. 

And everyone knew how Andrew Minyard felt about love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9hcJgtnm6Q) that the title is based on


	3. amnesia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We are going to be diving deep into the roots of love, Andrew,” Neil explained. “Things are going to get very romantic very fast. You have to promise you won’t fall in love with me.” 
> 
> Andrew almost fell out of his seat. He was about to laugh but found no trace of any emotion besides seriousness in Neil’s face. Part of the bit, Andrew guessed. 
> 
> Andrew looked Neil straight in the eyes and said, “I promise. I won’t fall in love with you.” 
> 
> It was the only promise Andrew ever broke.

Andrew threw all his books back into his locker at the end of the day and prayed to whichever higher power was listening to give him the strength to not knock his friend on his ass. 

“...And so I was thinking that chocolate is too cliche for Valentine’s Day but Jean is French so he might appreciate the chocolate? But then again he  _ is French _ so maybe there’s some fancy expensive chocolate that he prefers and I probably won’t be able to afford that so I should just go with whatever they have at Target. I don’t actually know if Jean likes chocolate though so I guess I should figure that out first and--” 

Andrew slammed his locker shut startling Jeremy out of his rant. 

“Jeremy,” Andrew began. “I have refrained from inflicting any physical damage to you because we’re both Hufflepuff and I appreciate the sentiment of sticking together. But if you do not shut the fuck up about chocolate and Jean and Valentine’s Day, I cannot be held responsible for what happens to you.” 

Jeremy’s eyes widened for a moment before he recollected himself. “Right,” he said sheepishly, “Sorry about that. It’s just my first Valentine’s Day with someone.” 

Andrew sighed. “Jean is a snobby Frenchman. Don’t get him food. Your safest bet is flowers.” 

Jeremy smiled at Andrew’s reluctant suggestion. “That’s a good idea. You really are a romantic aren’t you?” 

“No,” Andrew said. “And if you spread that lie around about me it’ll be the last thing you ever do.” 

Jeremy laughed. Andrew hated how many people no longer took his threats seriously. Friendship was the worst sometimes. “Sure, sure. Well I have to be off now. Have you decided if you’re coming to Love-A-Palooza?” 

“Aaron literally just asked me at lunch today.” 

“So…?” Jeremy questioned. 

“I haven’t decided yet, Jeremy. It has only been four hours since Aaron asked me,” Andrew clarified because apparently in Jeremy’s mind a person just lept into decisions and plans instead of carefully thinking them out. 

Andrew didn’t mention that for the last four hours he had been thinking about it, and came to the decision that going to Love-A-Palooza sounded like the worst possible idea ever and he had no intention of stepping foot in that hellfest of love. 

“Okay, well I think it would be a good time if you came,” Jeremy offered. “Anyway, I’ll probably finish my part of the project sometime later tonight. I’ll text you when it’s done.” 

“Sure,” Andrew said. 

“See you later, Andrew!” Jeremy turned down the hall and disappeared into the crowd of students heading home for the day. Andrew sighed. Andrew wasn’t going home today. 

He made his way toward the art classrooms. He didn’t know why but for some reason the art teacher, Miss. Dobson liked him as a student despite him always doing the opposite of what her assignments were. 

Miss. Dobson said make me a collage of the things you love and Andrew made her a collage of things that he hated. He always got an ‘A’. 

He didn't understand it but he was smart enough not to question it. Having at least one teacher on his side was bound to be useful at some point. Andrew’s mind took him toward college letters of recommendation but quickly dismissed the thought. He hadn’t started looking yet and had no plans to do so any time soon. 

When Andrew entered the art room he was annoyed to find out he wouldn’t have the space to himself. Instead two girls sat at one of the big tables cutting various sized hearts out of pink and red construction paper. Sitting with them was Neil Josten, who took it upon himself to sit on the table instead of on a stool like a normal person and was attaching the hearts the girls were cutting with white string. Andrew ignored them all and took his usual seat in the corner. 

He took out his colored pencils and sketchbook and just started drawing. He didn’t have an image in mind: he never did. Andrew usually just started with lines and whatever he ended up with was what he ended up with. 

“Neil, I think you’re making the streamers too long,” one of the girls complained. 

Neil scoffed, “They’re supposed to go all around the school, Katelyn, the longer we make them the less work we actually have to do.” 

“I’m not sure that’s how that works, Neil,” The girl, Katelyn, said. 

Neil seemed to ignore Katelyn’s comment and continued with making the world's longest heart streamer. 

“Any plans for Valentine’s Day?” The other girl asked Neil. Andrew found himself surprisingly very interested in the answer. 

“It’s not for two weeks,” Neil said. Not an answer but enough of a deflection for Andrew to assume that Neil did not have any plans and just didn’t want to admit it. 

“So?” Katelyn asked. 

“So,” Neil emphasized. “There’s plenty of time for my answer to change. I could have plans but something tragic could happen and then I could not have plans. Or maybe I don’t have plans now but in a few days I will. Answering prematurely will just cause further confusion.” 

Andrew rolled his eyes. 

The girl who originally asked seemed to have the same mindset as Andrew. “You’re so fucking dramatic, Neil. It’s a yes or no question, and I’m only asking because Love-A-Palooza tickets just went on sale during lunch and I need to know if I’m buying you one.” 

Neil crawled over the table to where the girl was sitting and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “Robin, I would love nothing more than for you to buy me a ticket to Love-A-Palooza.” 

Robin pushed Neil’s face away from hers. “You’re actually so annoying.” 

Neil smirked. “Love-A-Palooza will be fun. Who knows? Maybe I’ll meet the love of my life there.” 

Andrew couldn’t help the scoff that came out of his mouth. The three seemed to finally realize there was someone else in the room with them. 

“Problem?” Neil asked. 

Andrew shrugged. “No. It’s just. You don't really think you’re going to meet the love of your life at a shitty town concert in South Carolina do you? There’s seven billion people in the world.” 

“And what’s to say they aren’t in South Carolina?” Neil challenged. 

“Uh, statistics?” 

Neil abandoned his craft at the other table and marched over to Andrew’s. He hopped onto the table and sat criss-crossed right in front of Andrew. Andrew pulled his sketchbook closer to him. 

“Andrew Minyard,” Neil addressed him formally. “Don’t tell me you're a love cynic.” 

“I just think love causes more problems than solves them,” Andrew said. “And that Valentine’s Day is pointless. I mean, what exactly is cutting up hearts and hanging them around the school supposed to do?” 

“He has a point, Neil.” Robin said. 

“He has no point,” Neil dismissed her. Robin shrugged. She and Katelyn went back to cutting their crappy paper hearts. 

“Andrew, I don’t think I can be friends with someone who is a cynic about love.” 

“Are we friends?” Andrew asked, curious. 

Neil frowned. “Of course we’re friends. I say hello to you whenever I see you, I know you like my shirts that have puns of them.” 

“Some of them  _ are _ funny,” Andrew admitted. 

“So, yes, we are friends,” Neil said like it was the easiest thing ever. Andrew didn’t usually accept friendship easily, yet here was Neil acting like this wasn’t the first one on one conversation he and Andrew ever had. “Which means that as your friend I need to fix your cynicism immediately.” 

“I’m sure that’s not necessary.” 

“Oh but it is,” Neil really had the flair for the dramatics. He stood up on the table and was now completely towering over Andrew. “Andrew, in two weeks time, you will no longer be a love cynic.” 

“Two weeks time is Valentine’s Day, by the way,” Neil added when Andrew didn’t say anything. 

“Yeah, I got that,” Andrew said. “Why are you doing this again?” 

“Because,” Neil sat down again. “The world can be a shitty, horrible place. I find that love is often enough to make a person forget about that fact.” 

Andrew didn’t know what to say to that. Yeah, the world sucked, but Andrew didn’t think a romantic fantasy would be enough for him to forget about it. 

How was Andrew supposed to forget the world sucked when a romantic fantasy was taking Nicky away to Germany? When a romantic fantasy had his brother heart-eyed every waking moment and his best friend barely ever coming over just to hang out with him anymore? 

“We’ll start tomorrow?” Neil asked. 

Andrew shrugged. There was nothing Neil Josten could say or do to make Andrew not hate love so what did he have to lose? It wasn’t like he wanted to go home where everyone else in his family was happy and in love. “Sure,” Andrew said. “Tomorrow.” 

Neil smiled at him. “Okay but there’s one catch.” 

Andrew leaned back on his stool, “Lay it on me.” 

“We are going to be diving deep into the roots of love, Andrew,” Neil explained. “Things are going to get very romantic very fast. You have to promise you won’t fall in love with me.” 

Andrew almost fell out of his seat. He was about to laugh but found no trace of any emotion besides seriousness in Neil’s face. Part of the bit, Andrew guessed. 

Andrew looked Neil straight in the eyes and said, “I promise. I won’t fall in love with you.” 

It was the only promise Andrew ever broke. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCCJCILiX3o) the chapter title is based on
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated <3


	4. drivers license

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you know,” Neil started, “That the Greeks believed that there are eight different forms of love?” 

“I heard you’re going out with Neil Josten.” 

Andrew ripped the headphones out of his ears so he could give his brother his full attention, “Excuse me?” 

Aaron made himself comfortable on the black fluffy bean bag in Andrew’s room. Andrew was reminded of the times pre-AaronandKevin when Aaron would sit in that chair for hours, Andrew on his own bed and they would talk about anything. About what provisions would be best in an apocalyptic world, what political party they thought cartoon characters would affiliate with, how it was ridiculous that Tori Vega was supposed to be the star of the show  _ Victorious _ when Cat Valentine and Jade West were far more talented. Somewhere deep down Andrew would probably find that he was happy for Aaron, but it didn’t take away the fact that Andrew was now a part of Aaron that was constantly forgotten about. 

“Katelyn texted Allison that Neil basically asked you out in the art room after school today and that you said yes. Allison told Dan who told Matt who told Kevin who told me.” 

Andrew couldn’t believe this shit. If everyone wasn’t so busy showing off how in love they were, they were busy butting in business that didn’t concern them. 

“I’m not going out with Neil Josten,” Andrew clarified. He felt it was very important that it was clearly understood that he and Neil Josten were never going to happen. “He and his friends were being overly dramatic about love. I told him it was all bullshit and now he’s on a mission to change my mind.”

Aaron was staring at him like he’d grown two heads. “Oh my god, Andrew! This is such a classic meet-cute!”

“I don’t know what that is, and no, that was not an invitation for you to tell me, but it sounds dumb.” 

“You two are going to fall in love,” Aaron stated. 

Andrew scowled. “We are not. Neil Josten is a hopeless romantic and nothing he says or does will change my mind that love is an overrated Hallmark scam. But I have nothing better to do with my time considering I never have plans anymore so I’m indulging him.” 

Andrew hadn’t meant to sound so bitter about the last part but talking about love did that to him. It made him angry and careless with his words. He pointedly ignored the frown and tension that was taking over his twin's body. Aaron didn’t say anything for a while. The two sat in silence until Nicky called for dinner. Aaron stood up from the bean bag. 

“You coming?” 

Andrew shook his head. “Not hungry.” Not in the mood for sitting at a table with Nicky. Not in the mood for Aaron’s pitying glances. Not in the mood for very much lately. 

“I’ll save you a plate in case you change your mind,” Aaron said. 

Andrew didn’t answer. Instead he scrolled through his phone until he found his break-up playlist. Andrew had never been in a relationship before and he listened to these songs to make sure it stayed that way. 

“Andrew?” Aaron asked. Aaron stood in the doorframe, half his body in the hallway and the other half still in Andrew’s room. 

Andrew raised his eyebrows to indicate that Aaron could speak. 

“I know you hate love right now, but I do hope you find it one day, in whatever form you need it in.” 

Aaron left before Andrew could respond. The sentiment was useless. ‘In whatever form you need’, Andrew’s brain repeated that line over and over again. Aaron could wish him the best all he wanted. Andrew Minyard was not naive. There was only one form of love and it was the painful kind. 

* * *

“So, tell me why you’re anti-love and think the world would be better without it.” 

Andrew hadn’t thought Neil was going to take his ‘Make Andrew Love’ campaign so seriously but bright and early at 8:00am found Neil Josten waiting by Andrew’s locker, prepped with ridiculous questions. 

Andrew busied himself by putting his books in his backpack to avoid Neil’s gaze. “Love makes people weak. How many people end up heartbroken a year? They end up that way because they put all their trust into one person, giving that person all their secrets and all this power, and what happens? That person inevitably breaks the trust and then breaks the person.” 

“Hmm,” Neil seemed to really consider Andrew’s answer before speaking again, “And what about those who have been together for years? There are plenty of people who have successful relationships.” 

“For now,” Andrew said. “It all ends. If it’s not breaking up then it’s something else. Death, for instance. Could you imagine? You’re with someone for over sixty years and then they die. What happens then? You’ve spent your whole life getting comfortable with that person only to end up alone. It sounds miserable.” 

“I’m not sure they would see it that way. Sixty years is a long time to make memories. Don’t you think that the person would just feel happy they had all that time?” Neil asked. 

“No. I think anyone who says that is just lying to themselves to try and mask how sad they are.” 

“Hmm,” Neil said again. 

“Anymore stupid questions before the bell rings?” Andrew closed his locker and finally faced Neil. Andrew was glad he refrained from so long. Neil had on artfully ripped jeans and a light pink crew neck sweater. He had his own backpack over one shoulder, hid hand gripping the end of the strap. The strap was decorated with several enamel pins, one of which was a tiny orange fox. Neil Josten looked unfairly attractive. 

“Nope,” Neil smiled and it made his eyes crinkle in a way that made Andrew’s heart beat just a few seconds too fast. “I’ve figured it out.” 

Andrew frowned, “Figured what out?” 

Neil shrugged, “I’ll tell you about it some other time. Meet me by the south parking lot doors after school?” 

“Sure,” Andrew agreed. 

Andrew went to class with a full head of thoughts. Neil Josten basically just met him. What could he know about Andrew that Andrew didn’t already know himself? What could he have figured out in a conversation that hadn’t even lasted five minutes? 

Andrew was so distracted all day he was startled when Kevin popped up by his locker at the end of the day. 

“Hey.” 

Andrew didn’t make eye contact with Kevin. Things had changed since Kevin and Aaron started dating. Kevin used to be Andrew’s best friend. Now he was Aaron’s boyfriend. Kevin was another person who had firmly picked Andrew up and placed him in some secondary box in his mind. Forgotten about until relevant. 

When Andrew didn’t respond, Kevin spoke again, “Aaron and I are going to a Palmetto State game this weekend. Do you want to come?” 

Kevin’s dad was a football coach at Palmetto’s college. Kevin was a huge fan of the team and the school. Andrew knew Kevin had applied to several schools across the country, including one in California besides Palmetto State but hadn’t made up his mind on which school he was going to be attending. It was another thing that Andrew couldn’t quite comprehend. 

Aaron had another year of high school left. Kevin was graduating in June. Next fall he was going to be somewhere else. There was a chance he would still be in Palmetto, but there was an even bigger chance that he wouldn’t. What happened then? Andrew didn’t think long distance was realistic. Kevin would be out having the college experience while Aaron was sitting in senior biology classes and was still required to take gym as a class. 

It was like Andrew couldn’t help but map out every probable way things could go wrong. Kevin could meet someone else. Kevin could cheat. Kevin could break Aaron’s heart and it wouldn’t matter because Kevin had a new life. Or Aaron would break up with Kevin because he couldn’t handle the distance. There were so many scenarios and Andrew couldn’t find a happy ending in any of them. 

“I have plans,” Andrew lied. It was a lie for now, but if Neil really felt so strongly about changing Andrew’s mind about love then surely they would need more time than just today. 

Kevin frowned as though he could see right through Andrew. He probably could. They’ve been best friends for years. “Andrew, I--” 

“I have to go meet Neil,” Andrew interrupted. “We’re hanging out.” 

“Alright,” Kevin said. “I’ll see you later?” 

Andrew shrugged. Kevin pushed off the wall and headed down the hall. Andrew watched as Kevin beelined toward where Aaron was, talking to Dan and Matt using exaggerated hand motions. Kevin snuck up behind Aaron and then wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him into his chest. Aaron made an excited noise that Andrew immediately wished to erase from his memory. Aaron turned in Kevin's grip and put his own arms around Kevin’s neck to pull him down into a kiss. 

Andrew slammed his locker shut, startling the poor freshman who’s locker had the misfortune of being four down from his. He walked in the opposite direction to avoid his brother even though getting to the south parking lot was going to take an extra few minutes now. 

When he reached the parking lot he was met with Neil Josten, sitting on the hood of an atrocious pink car. 

“What the fuck?” Andrew was as eloquent as ever. 

Neil just grinned. “Borrowed it from Allison. We need a car to get to our first love destination.” 

“Don’t call it that,” Andrew sighed but got into the passenger seat anyway. “Do you even have your license?” 

“Basically,” Neil said. 

“That’s not very reassuring,” Andrew grumbled as he buckled up. 

“It’ll be fine,” Neil reassured. “Do you trust me?” 

Andrew didn’t respond. His gut response was to say yes and that made him uneasy. Where did that even come from? He barely knew Neil. They were still mostly strangers despite how Neil’s easy smiles and wittiness made Andrew feel. 

Neil hooked up his iPhone to the aux cord in the car. Neil’s phone case looked like white marble. Andrew didn’t know why that caught his eye. It was like everything about Neil Josten was just softened and it made Andrew want to reach out. He wouldn’t, but there was a part of him that wanted to. 

“Driver controls the music. We’re going to be listening to some of the best love songs ever, got it? Singing along is encouraged.” 

“I don’t think that’s a real rule,” Andrew said, reminded of how despite Nicky being the driver in the family, somehow they always had to listen to Aaron’s pop punk. “And I will absolutely not be singing.” 

“That’s alright,” Neil said as he chose a song. “I can sing loud enough for the two of us.” 

And sing he did. What was most annoying about the whole situation was that Neil had a good voice. He could hold all the notes and he sounded mostly on key, like he was a practiced and trained singer. 

Neil ended up taking them to a diner in Columbia. Andrew was familiar with Columbia, but he’d never been to this place before. Nicky works at a club in the downtown area and when the twins were younger they were regular fixtures in the staff break room. If Andrew were to go back, he’s sure there would still be the crayon on the wall where he and Aaron signed their names. 

“Sweeties?” Andrew asked when they pulled into a parking spot. 

Neil turned in his seat to face Andrew. “I have a confession to make. I asked Renee about you. Don’t panic, it wasn’t anything personal, but she did mention that you’re a big fan of sweets and Sweeties is known for their giant ice cream sundaes.” 

Andrew blinked. Once. Twice. Neil asked about him? And then picked a location specifically based on Andrew’s likes? No.  _ No.  _ Andrew was not going to read into this. 

“Giant ice cream sundaes, huh?” 

Neil didn’t respond. Instead he got out of his seat and then ran in front of the car to open Andrew’s door for him. Andrew glared. Neil laughed, “Fine.” Neil shut the door and waited patiently while Andrew opened the door himself. Andrew allowed Neil to lead him into the diner, where Neil knew every staff member by name somehow. They sat in a booth in the corner and Neil gave Andrew the side that allowed his back to be against the wall, and his view being the rest of the diner. 

Neil convinced Andrew to split one of the giant sundaes with him. They got to choose four flavors (two for Neil, two for Andrew) and six toppings. Andrew's side was significantly more chocolatey and sugary than Neil’s. Andrew glared at the offensive shreds of coconut that poisoned Neil’s side and Neil gave him an equal glare back at the mountain of whipped cream his side had. 

The two made easy conversation as they ate their cold snack. Andrew learned that Neil should be a sophomore but he used to live in London and somehow the transfer made him able to be a year ahead.  _ So you both would graduate at the same time _ , his brain supplied. Andrew told him a little bit more about himself. He carefully left out anything about Nicky or Aaron. Instead, he talked about his art and how if he had to have a dream career it would be in some kind of animation making. 

“Like cartoons?” Neil asked. 

Andrew waited for the laughter. For the mocking. But it never came. Instead Neil went on a rant about he preferred two dimensional animation rather than the more popularized three dimension computerized animation though he understood the appeal of being able to make characters emote more. Andrew was so shocked that he wasn’t ridiculed on the spot he forgot to add in his own opinion. 

“Did you know,” Neil started, “That the Greeks believed that there are eight different forms of love?” 

No, Andrew did not know because 1.) He did not care about love and 2.) The Greeks were a very popular topic that Kevin liked to talk about, therefore, he constantly tuned it out. 

Neil took Andrew’s blank stare as a encouragement to continue, “There’s Philia, which is affectionate love; Pragma, mature love that develops over time; Storge, familiar love; Eros, romantic love--This is the one you hate--” 

“I hate all of it,” Andrew said. 

“Sure,” Neil said then continued, “Ludus, which is playful love, like flirting and all that; Mania, which is obsessive love, it get’s a bad rep but think hardcore fans of musicians; Philautia, which is self love; and lastly Agape, which is love that is given without expecting anything in return. It’s the highest level of love to offer.” 

“I didn’t realize it was a competition,” Andrew snarked because he didn’t want to talk about love and all the different kinds. Love ended. That was the only thing that mattered. 

“Alright, alright, I can tell when a subject change is necessary.” 

Neil stayed away from the topic of love after that. When the check came, Andrew was ready to split the bill but Neil just puppy eyed the waitress who eventually sighed, ruffled Neil’s hair and then told him to tell his Uncle she said hello. 

“We’re not paying?” Andrew asked as he and Neil walked out of the diner. 

“I’m paying,” Neil corrected. “Just not at this very moment. They’ll take it out of my paycheck later.” 

Andrew stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “You work there?” 

“I work there during the summer, and the weeks we have off for the holidays and spring break. And if they ever really need someone during the weekends.” 

Andrew didn’t actually know many people his age that had jobs. Nicky wouldn’t let Andrew or Aaron work, said they would have their whole lives to work. Nicky had worked two jobs before he met Erik, apparently Erik came from money and did not care about using it to help his dear husband pay a few bills here and there. Nicky still worked at the club, Eden’s, but Andrew thought it was more for something to do than actually needing the job. 

Neil played his love songs up until they were idling in front of Andrew’s house. 

“So,” Neil said. “What did you think?” 

“That no amount of ice cream will make me not think that love isn’t worth the pain.” 

Neil frowned, “No. About the sundae. About Sweeties. What did you think of them?” 

Andrew was confused but answered anyway, “The ice cream was good. Your taste in ice cream, however, is a completely different story. Atrocious, is putting it lightly. I liked Sweeties. It felt comfortable there.” 

Now Neil smiled, and Andrew had to look away. 

“Well, I’m glad you had a good time,” Neil said. “Let’s do this again. I have to help out with some Valentine’s Day decorating tomorrow, but what about Saturday? We can make a whole weekend out of it.” 

Andrew wasn’t entirely sure what  _ it _ was, but he agreed nonetheless. He gave Neil a two fingered salute when he got to the front door and only then did Neil drive away. 

When Andrew walked into the house he felt lighter. He still for sure was not about to jump onto the love bandwagon but he found that he didn’t entirely mind Neil’s company. It was nice, being with someone. He tried to put himself in Nicky’s shoes. In Aaron’s shoes. That had to be the appeal of love, Andrew thought. The being with someone. 

Andrew made his way to the kitchen but stopped short when he heard sniffling. Nicky’s sniffling. Andrew peaked his head in to find Nicky hunched over the kitchen counter. One hand gripping the phone in his hand, the other firmly placed on the counter. Aaron must be out, and Nicky must’ve not heard Andrew come home because he was speaking English, instead of the usual German he spoke with Erik when the twins were around. 

Andrew had picked up a few phrases of German but he wasn’t fluent. Nicky mostly used German to talk sweet nonsense to Erik but Andrew found that recently the other language was used so Andrew and Aaron couldn’t understand what was being said. 

“I know, Erik,  _ I know.  _ I just don’t know what to do. Andrew already hates me...No. No. I haven’t told him. I haven’t told Aaron either. I’m trying--you know I’m trying. It’ll all work out. Yeah. I love you too. Soon, okay?” 

Nicky hung up the phone and still hadn’t noticed Andrew. Andrew crept as quietly as he could to the stairs, closing his door and then locking it. He laid on his bed without taking his shoes off and stared at his ceilings. 

_ Soon _ . 

The word swirled around Andrew’s mind until he was consumed by anger. 

_ Fuck Nicky. Fuck Erik. Fuck Germany and fuck love.  _

Andrew sat up and grabbed the closest thing to him and chucked it at the door. Andrew watched as the glass of the picture frame got completely smashed. Staring back at him was a photograph. There was Nicky, aged twenty, on the one year anniversary of the day he had taken in the twins. Nicky was crouched down with Aaron on one side and Andrew on the other. Aaron and Nicky were smiling into the camera with big toothy grins. Andrew wasn’t. Andrew wasn’t smiling, nor was he looking at the camera. 

His focus was on Nicky and Aaron. In the photo, one of Nicky’s hands is around Andrew’s and Andrew’s death grip is fairly obvious. His face said  _ these are my people _ . 

That one year anniversary was a turning point for Andrew. It had been a year and there was no sign that Nicky had any plans to send the twins back so Andrew let himself believe. He let himself have his little family and he promised himself that he would never let Nicky or Aaron go. 

He cursed himself for forgetting to make them promise to never let him go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDBbnmKpqQ) this chapter title is based on


	5. moral of the story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disoriented, he lifted his head from Neil’s shoulder and frowned at the TV. “I missed it,” He mumbled. “Did they get together?” 
> 
> Neil brushed down a piece of Andrew’s hair that was probably sticking up. Andrew was too tired to figure out if that was weird or not. “Of course,” Neil said. “It’s a love story.”

Saturday night Andrew found himself sitting in his car outside of Neil Josten’s house. He’d been sitting on his living room couch watching Aaron and Kevin play video games trying to come up with a valid excuse to leave without it seeming obvious that he’d rather be anywhere else than playing third wheel. 

He would never admit this outloud but he had thought Neil had forgotten about him. Neil had mentioned hanging out on Saturday but he never specified when so Andrew had been left waiting all day. When Neil’s text finally came through with a simple ‘ _ come over?’ _ Andrew was appalled with how fast he moved to get ready. Neil had invited him to stay the night, and normally not being in the safety of his own bedroom was something that made him feel uneasy, but it didn’t feel that way with Neil. 

Aaron and Kevin had given him curious glances when he came back down the stairs with a backpack and his favorite pillow in his hand but he offered them nothing but a steady “I’ll be back tomorrow.” 

Now Andrew was outside of Neil’s and he couldn’t make himself get out of the car. It dawned on Andrew that despite enjoying an ice cream sundae together, he and Neil were still basically strangers and now he was going to spend the night at his house. The logical side of Andrew’s brain was telling him that the “strangers” excuse was bullshit, he’d told Neil stuff about himself that Aaron barely knew about him at that diner. He and Neil Josten were friends, but there was still something about Neil that made him nervous. Not nervous in the uncomfortable way, but in that Andrew didn’t quite know what to do about the way his heart reacted to Neil. 

Eventually Andrew got over himself. He grabbed his pillow and backpack and got out of his car, slamming the door in hopes that Neil would hear and Andrew would be saved from awkwardly knocking on the door. He supposed he could have just texted Neil that he had arrived but he always hated the idea of doing that. 

Neil opened the door before Andrew was even at the final step, “You brought a pillow.” 

Andrew hugged the pillow closer to his chest. “I don’t trust other people’s pillows.” 

Neil nodded seriously as though what Andrew said was completely valid and made total sense. He opened the door wider so Andrew could step in. Andrew’s first thoughts of Neil’s living room was that it was very lived in. There were books all over the floor, rolled up blankets on the couch, the television was paused on what looked to be an episode of  _ Julie and The Phantoms _ (Andrew had binge watched the whole season twice in one night so he was very familiar with the filmography), and there was a big aquarium tank of various fish against one of the walls. A tiny gray tabby cat was sitting on top of the aquarium. Neil followed Andrew’s eyes until he landed on the cat and sighed. 

“How many times do I have to tell you? Fish are friends, not food.” Neil walked over to the small kitten and picked him up off the tank. Andrew watched as the kitten snuggled up into Neil’s cheek and tried not to die on the spot. What was it about boys with small animals? 

Andrew walked over to get a better look at the cat, not to be closer to Neil, when Neil asked if Andrew wanted to hold him. Neil introduced the cat as King and then placed the tiny furball in Andrew’s arms. Andrew tried to be as gentle as he could and pointedly ignored Neil’s staring. 

“So I have a few movies lined up for us to watch. Any preferences?” 

“No rom-coms?” Andrew tried. 

“Yeah, right,” Neil laughed. “Andrew, we are going to be watching rom-coms all night.” 

While Neil set up the couch to resemble a blanket fort Andrew changed into his favorite pair of black sweatpants and one of Nicky’s old t-shirts from some concert he had gone to. He kept his armbands on and had his fluffiest pair of socks tucked over his pants. When he came out Neil was in a very small pair of orange shorts, white crew socks and a white hoodie. He looked unbelievably soft and for some reason it made Andrew want a hug. He wasn’t sure when the last time he hugged someone was and he was disturbed that he wanted one from Neil. 

Neil handed him several blankets, of which Andrew accepted all of them besides the Harry Potter one with the Slytherin crest on it. 

Neil narrowed his eyes on Andrew, “Hufflepuff. I knew it.” 

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Let’s watch your shitty rom-coms, Josten.” 

Neil was a perfect host. He brought Andrew snacks before the movie started. He added ridiculous commentary to every movie they watched and surprisingly Andrew found he didn’t hate the movies Neil chose. 

They watched  _ 10 Things I Hate About You,  _ and Andrew had visions of Neil and him having their own paintball fight. They watched  _ Frozen II  _ after Andrew admitted to never seeing the second one, and Andrew knew he was going to have  _ Into The Unknown  _ stuck in his head for the rest of his life. They watched  _ Let It Snow _ , which Neil admitted to the book being better so Andrew made himself a mental note to read at some point. They were in the middle of  _ Set It Up _ when Andrew started drifting. 

He and Neil had moved closer as the movies progressed and soon Andrew found himself with his cheek on Neil’s shoulder. Andrew was too tired to recognize how cliche the whole thing was. All he knew was that he was exhausted and Neil was comfortable and wasn’t pushing him off so he let his eyes shut. 

What may have been minutes or hours passed by and then Andrew heard his name being whispered. He blinked his eyes open and found that the television was paused on the credits of the movie they had been watching. 

Disoriented, he lifted his head from Neil’s shoulder and frowned at the TV. “I missed it,” He mumbled. “Did they get together?” 

Neil brushed down a piece of Andrew’s hair that was probably sticking up. Andrew was too tired to figure out if that was weird or not. “Of course,” Neil said. “It’s a love story.” 

“Bed?” Neil asked when Andrew didn’t reply. 

“Yeah,” Andrew rubbed his eyes and then collected his pillow and two of the blankets Neil had given him at the start of their movie night. Neil led him to his room where Andrew was very impressed with how big it was. 

“You live in the master bedroom of your home?” 

“My Uncle works a lot so sometimes he just stays over at his office. He said it would be a waste if he had this room.” 

Neil’s room was just as obviously lived in as the living room. It was as though Neil had decided one day that he was going to take up as much space as he wanted and never looked back. There were more books on the ground, several of which had bookmarks in them toward the end. 

“Do you ever finish books?” Andrew asked. 

Neil was busy opening the pull out bed from a small couch that was stuffed in the corner of the room. “Sometimes. I don’t like endings.” 

Neil set up the bed for Andrew and then made his way to his own bed. “Light or no lights?” 

There were tiny bulbs strung across the perimeter of the ceiling of Neil’s room. Neil held a remote in his hand. He pressed one button and the lights turned a subtle pink. Another button and they were green. Blue. Red. Purple. 

“How many colors are there?” Andrew asked. 

Neil passed him the remote. “You can change the brightness too. I usually sleep with lights. Nightmares, you know? But I’ll be okay if you don’t want them on.” 

“No,” Andrew quickly dismissed. He was familiar with restless nights due to nightmares and he wasn’t about to subject Neil to them if he could help it. He changed the lights to the blue setting and then dimmed them enough that it wasn’t too bright, but that if Neil woke up in the middle of the night, he’d still be able to recognize his surroundings. “This one.” 

The two got settled in. Neil fell asleep quickly. Andrew could hear his breathing from his spot on the pull-out and found it comforting. Andrew lied on his side, facing Neil’s sleeping figure. 

Andrew wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. Andrew knew what was happening. He wasn’t dumb. He could tell that the more time he spent with Neil, the closer he was becoming to developing feelings for Neil, which Andrew absolutely did not want. 

Andrew Minyard did not care for love. He repeated that mantra to himself all night until he finally fell asleep. 

When he woke up in the morning he was tense until he remembered he was at Neil’s house. Neil was nowhere to be found in the room though. Andrew got up and went into Neil’s bathroom where he brushed his teeth and used water from the sink to try and manage his bedhead. 

Andrew had no plans of furthering the potential of catching feelings for Neil but he still would not be caught looking messy in front of a cute boy. 

Neil was in the kitchen with his hoodie pulled up, and he was making something that smelled amazing. 

“You can cook?” 

Neil didn’t jump at Andrew’s voice, he simply turned and grinned. “There is so much about me that you don’t know Andrew Minyard.” 

Andrew didn’t say that he wanted nothing more than to learn. 

Neil made him sit at one of the bar stools at the island in the middle of the kitchen and then placed a plate of three chocolate chip pancakes shaped into hearts right in front of him. 

“Seriously?” 

“Seriously,” Neil agreed. “Apple juice or orange juice? Except it’s not normal orange juice. It’s strawberry-banana orange juice.” 

“Why would you buy strawberry-banana orange juice instead of just normal orange juice?” 

Neil smirked. “More fruit.” 

“I’ll take apple, thanks.” Andrew rolled his eyes. Who went out of their way to buy beverages that had  _ more  _ fruit in them? Neil Josten, that’s you.  _ Kevin Day _ , the back of Andrew’s mind supplied. Buying juice with extra fruit is the exact kind of thing Kevin would do. 

“Do you know Kevin Day?” Andrew asked suddenly. 

“Unfortunately,” Neil replied as he poured Andrew’s glass of apple juice. “Why?” 

“He’s dating my brother,” Andrew said. 

“Is that bad?” 

“Why would it be bad?” 

“You don’t seem thrilled about it.” 

Andrew wasn’t but he hadn’t thought he had given that much away with his responses. Maybe Neil was good at understanding the unsaid. Andrew didn’t dwell on it. 

“We were all friends first,” Andrew opted on. It wasn’t an answer. It wasn’t much of anything to be honest. 

But Neil replied with an “Ah.” As if he had figured out the meaning of life, and then he changed the subject completely and started talking about the Hallmark channel’s influence on holidays. 

“I mean, when you think about it, if Hallmark didn’t exist, there would be a significant drop in the amount of movies based around Christmas that exist. Which quality wise, wouldn’t be that bad. Most Hallmark movies are the exact same just with different actors. But then again Hallmark wouldn’t exist without the holidays. And a lot of people  _ love  _ the holidays so there’s a market there.” 

Andrew sat, pancake halfway to his mouth and just stared at Neil. Neil wasn’t deterred. He continued on, “But that’s Christmas. There are so many movies that are about love--romantic love--that aren’t based around Valentine’s Day. Those movies just...are. They’re about love but they're not dependent on the holiday to be a success. It’s almost as if love is never out of season.” 

“That’s the corniest thing that’s come out of your mouth today,” Andrew said. He didn’t really have much to contribute to this conversation. He didn’t watch movies about love. Or he used to not. He watched three rom-coms with Neil last night so he supposed he did watch movies about love now. 

“Maybe,” Neil agreed. “But it’s true. Romantic love always gets people. Which is nice. I think romantic love can be nice, but that’s not all there is, you know?” 

Andrew didn’t know. He shrugged. 

“I mean we watched  _ Frozen II _ last night. That was a story about love. Anna and Elsa love each other, but it’s not romantic. I mean, obviously, they’re siblings. There’s a lot of different kinds of love and I think the people who get too focused on romantic love and the lack of it in their own lives end up missing out on the other forms of love that they do have.” 

_ Forms of love _ . It was similar to what Aaron had said to Andrew the other night. Andrew wanted to ask for clarification but chickened out last minute. Neil had tried to tell him about this all at the diner the other night and Andrew was less than nice with his dismissal. 

“What happened to you?” Andrew asked. 

Neil startled and frowned at Andrew’s question. 

“I mean,” Andrew searched for the words to correct his bluntness. “You obviously have a lot of thoughts about love. So what happened? Were you in love with someone?”

“Oh,” Neil seemed to calm down a little. “No. I was never in love with someone. But I’ve been in love with things. Places, mostly. I used to travel a lot with my mom when she was alive. She left my dad when I was around six years old. He was...not the best,” Neil gestured to the array of scars on his cheek, “He didn’t care about us, and I’m not entirely sure he even noticed when we left. She took me to London where her family was. We did a lot of traveling. She traveled all year around and then I used to go with her when I wasn’t in school. You wouldn’t believe some of the places out there, Andrew.” 

“It’s hard,” Neil added. “To not fall in love with things when you’re looking at something beautiful.” 

Andrew’s heart was pounding in his chest. He focused his eyes back to his pancakes, “I wouldn’t know.” 

Andrew helped Neil clean up the kitchen and then the two of them stayed in their comfy clothes and set up a game of Mario Kart in the living room. Andrew played as Neil’s cat King curled up in his lap and Neil joked that now Andrew had to stay forever. 

They really did make a weekend of it. Andrew had completely lost track of time until his phone buzzed. 

“I have to take this,” Andrew said when he read Aaron’s name on the caller ID. Neil nodded and got up, taking King with him, probably to feed him and give Andrew some privacy. 

“What?” Andrew was very good at greetings. 

“Where are you? You said you’d be back today and it’s almost 8:00pm.” 

_ Shit. _ Andrew really had lost track of time. “I’ll be home in twenty minutes.” 

“Okay, but seriously Andrew where have you--” 

Andrew hung up. He stretched as he got up off the couch. Neil came out from the kitchen with King on his shoulder. 

“Time to go?” Neil asked. 

Andrew nodded. Neil went and got Andrew’s backpack and pillow from his room.

“Let’s do this again.” It was the same thing that he said after the first time they hung out at the diner. 

This time Andrew replied, “Yeah. Let’s do this again.” 

Neil grinned as he walked Andrew to his car, “See you at school?” 

Andrew thought that was a ridiculous statement. They never saw each other in school except for that first day by coincidence in the art room. But Neil looked hopeful and Andrew felt like there was more to it than just ‘see you at school’. This felt like the end of...something. 

_ A date _ , his mind supplied. 

No. Not a date. This had just been two friends having a sleepover. Kevin and Aaron did it all the time, and well okay that was a bad example because now they were dating. Renee had a sleepover with the girls all the time! Well, bad example again because now Renee was dating Allison. 

Whatever. The point was, that this weekend was not a date and Andrew was  _ not  _ about to kiss Neil good-bye. 

“Yes,” Andrew said finally. “I’ll see you at school.” 

He got in his car and left before he could overthink anything else. When he got home, to literally no surprise, Kevin and Aaron were curled up on the couch together. Why was Aaron wondering where Andrew was if he was already with his boyfriend? He ignored them both and then ignored Nicky when he went into the kitchen and made himself some Cup-Noodles. 

He took his shitty ramen and when up to his room. Against his better judgement he pulled out his laptop and went to Netflix. He clicked on  _ Set It Up _ and instead of searching for where he left off before he fell asleep last night he watched from the beginning. He didn’t bother to go back downstairs to clean his fork or throw out the now empty container. 

Luckily, he was able to get ready for bed with minimal interaction. He could still hear the television in the living room. It was a Sunday night, didn’t Kevin have to go home? Andrew left the bathroom that he shared with Aaron, and heard German mumbles coming from Nicky’s closed door. He knew better than to eavesdrop this time. 

When Andrew got to his room he lied on his back and stared up at his ceiling. Maybe he should hang lights in his room. Maybe Neil would help him. 

Andrew had one final strange thought before he succumbed to sleep, and it was that for a moment he wished he could hear Neil’s breathing from across the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLRVasfC_gc)


	6. smithereens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lights were all off when Andrew got inside. He shut the front door, and when he heard the car pull away, he leaned his head against the door and closed his eyes. 
> 
> _Fuck._
> 
> There was no more faking it. No way around it. 
> 
> He was in love with Neil Josten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm the first chapter not titled after a sad breakup song...what could it mean? WHAT COULD IT MEAN!?

“Nicky’s freaking out,” Aaron greeted him as he sat at the picnic table Andrew claimed. Andrew didn’t understand. He sat at the furthest picnic table away from everyone, and spread out most of his things on the top of the table. He made it look as disinviting as he could and yet he was Aaron. 

“Okay.” 

Aaron took his okay as ‘keep talking’. “The post office lost the package Nicky was trying to send Erik for Valentine’s Day so now it won’t be there on time.” 

“Modern tragedy.” 

Aaron nodded, completely blind to Andrew’s sarcasm.

“I don’t think Kevin and I are doing Valentine’s Day like that. No flowers or chocolate. We’re just going to go to Love-A-Palooza. Which, by the way, I bought you a ticket to. If you don’t want it you can just sell it but I didn’t want to not buy you one and then have it be sold out.” 

Andrew was about to tell Aaron he should’ve saved his money when a tray plopped right next to him. Andrew was startled as Neil Josten made himself completely at home at Andrew’s side. 

Aaron looked at Andrew with wide-eyes and a smirk, and Andrew could feel the rest of the picnic tables near him looking over. Neil Josten did not have lunch in public. He had lunch...somewhere. Andrew wasn’t completely sure where but he knew that this was the first time Neil was out and about amongst the rest of school during lunch. 

“They were all out of the brownie dessert so I got you vanilla pudding instead and put a bunch of chocolate sprinkles on it,” Neil said as he passed Andrew a cup of, yup, vanilla pudding drowned with chocolate sprinkles. “Same thing, yeah?” 

“It is absolutely not the same thing. One is a brownie. The other is pudding.” 

He ate the pudding anyway. Neil roped Aaron into a conversation as though they’d known each other their whole lives, much like he did with Andrew that day in the art room. Andrew felt weird. He didn’t like Neil talking to Aaron. He didn’t like how easy they were talking with one another. It made him feel as though Neil was just like this all the time and that their time in the diner and at Neil’s house was something he did on the regular with whatever student he decided to grace his time with. 

Andrew felt himself recoiling into himself when Neil turned in his seat and gave Andrew his complete attention, “What do you think?” 

“What?” Andrew hadn’t been listening. 

“Your brother thinks that space is scarier than the ocean. He’s wrong.” 

“Aliens!” Aaron yelled as though that was enough explanation. 

“And I said that while it would be ignorant to deny extraterrestrial life, the ocean is stock full of crazy shit where there is definitive proof of its existence. Being afraid of the unknown is pointless. Why be afraid of theoretical alien life when a giant isopod could one day adapt to be on land and eat us all?” 

“I don’t know what a giant isopod is,” Andrew said. 

Neil whipped out his phone and typed something into the search bar. He held his phone to Aaron who physically shuddered and then showed the screen to Andrew and wow. Ok. Yeah. What the fuck. 

“Ocean is scarier,” Andrew decided. 

Aaron pouted at him for not agreeing with him but Andrew was too preoccupied by the smile Neil was giving him. 

Halfway through the period Kevin arrived and sat in the seat across from Neil, “Josten.”

“Day,” Neil raised an eyebrow, amused. 

“I didn’t realize we were sitting with Andrew today,” Kevin addressed Aaron. 

“Everyone here was not invited,” Andrew pointed out. “You all just have no concept of leaving me alone.” 

It was an ironic statement. Andrew  _ wanted _ to hang out with his friend and brother but he wanted to hang out with Aaron and Kevin. Not AaronandKevin the couple. 

Neil started baiting Kevin and went on a whole rant about how Greece, as a whole, contributed nothing to the world. This caused Kevin to rant about the alphabet and numbers for far too long in Andrew’s opinion. When the bell rang Andrew was surprised. He hadn’t had a lunch period that flew by since he stopped sitting with his other friends. 

“Oh!” Aaron called to Andrew before he could leave. “We’re going to Puerto Vallarta for dinner tonight since Nicky’s working an extra late night shift and he said he was just going to crash at Roland’s instead of coming home. Do you want to come? I think Matt and Dan were going to come too”

Before Andrew could respond with an excuse Neil answered, “No can do. Andrew’s having dinner with me tonight.” 

Aaron looked at Andrew for confirmation. “Yeah,” Andrew found himself saying. “I’m having dinner with Neil tonight.” 

Aaron frowned but didn’t comment. He let Kevin pull him away and then it was just Andrew and Neil. 

“Sorry,” Neil said. “I meant to ask you first, but I didn’t want you to make plans. You don’t have to go to dinner with me if you’d rather you with your brother.” 

“No,” Andrew said far too quickly. “I’ll go to dinner with you.” 

“Perfect,” Neil smiled. “I’ll pick you up around 6:00 pm?” 

“Sure,” Andrew agreed. “6:00pm” 

The rest of the day dragged. Andrew counted down the minutes until 6:00pm. When it finally arrived Neil was not at his house yet. Another five minutes passed. No Neil. 

It was 6:15pm when Andrew was starting to feel really stupid and there was a sour feeling in his gut. Another five minutes passed and finally Neil pulled up in a pink car. The same car that Neil was in when he took Andrew to the diner. 

“You’re late,” Andrew said. He wasn’t sure why he was angry. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I had to drive Allison to Renee’s house before I could use her car and I forgot that you live on the complete opposite side of town as her.” 

Andrew knew this. Back when he was friends with Renee and they used to hang out pre-AllisonandRenee, he used to hate the traffic that stood in between their houses. 

“You could have texted,” Andrew tried very hard not to sound whiny. 

“You’re right,” Neil said seriously. “It won’t happen again. Now. Dinner?” 

Neil held the passenger side door open for Andrew. Andrew glared. 

“Right,” Neil laughed. “I forgot.” He shut the door and gestured at Andrew. Andrew huffed and  _ opened his own fucking door _ , thank you very much, and if he slammed the door harder then necessary when he was seated, well, Neil was twenty minutes late for their date. 

Wait. Not a date.  _ Not a date _ , Andrew corrected himself. 

Dinner. Neil was late for their dinner. 

Neil drove them to a nice looking restaurant in the next town over. The waitress led them to a booth at the back and again, Neil allowed Andrew to have the seat that let his back be against the wall and his whole view the rest of the restaurant. 

Andrew looked at the menu before frowning. The menu had a fruit section and then another section labeled “Salty” with food like pretzels, and crackers.

“We have to decide if we want to do chocolate or cheese,” Neil answered a question Andrew did not ask. 

Andrew put his menu down and stared. 

“It’s a fondue restaurant,” Neil said. “I’m going to guess that you want to do chocolate? And then we can get fruit to dip?” 

“Why would you take me here?” Andrew asked. 

Neil frowned. “You like sweets? And I like fruit. So fruit dipped in chocolate? We can leave if you want.” 

“No,” Andrew said. “You didn’t ask.” 

“What?” 

Andrew didn’t know why he felt the need to voice this. “You didn’t ask where I wanted to go for dinner. But you picked the perfect place.” 

“Oh,” Neil said. “ _ Oh! _ I mean, come on, Andrew I saw you devour a whole sundae and you picked out all the mini M&M’s in the trail mix to eat when we were watching movies. Plus you did not look impressed when Aaron suggested you come to Puerto Vallarta.” 

They were all harmless observations. Things that anyone could pick up if they were paying attention but somehow it felt  _ more _ with Neil. It didn’t feel like Neil ‘just happened to notice’ these things about Andrew. It felt like the restaurant was purposely chosen for Andrew. 

Andrew let it drop because thinking about it too hard was making his heart race, as it typically did now when Neil was concerned. Andrew let Neil order a big chocolate pot and various fruits for them to dip. 

Andrew had fun. He had fun teasing Neil about the lack of chocolate he was actually using while Neil teased Andrew that he should just ask the waitress for a spoon to eat the chocolate. Andrew told Neil more about his sketches, Neil wanted to see them and Andrew told him maybe one day. Neil spoke more about the places he’s traveled to. Neil’s favorite place was Greece, but he’d sacrifice Greece’s name any day if it sent Kevin into a fit like at lunch today. 

Andrew found himself holding back his laughter at some of Neil’s comments. Neil was ruthless. They’d look at other tables and Neil would come up with ridiculous scenarios for the people at the tables. 

“Look at that table,” Neil nodded his head. “Father, and two sons. The younger one is unbelievably jealous of the older one because the older one is the father’s favorite. He’s plotting on how to get his dad’s attention.” 

“What does he do?” Andrew couldn’t help but ask. The boy Neil is talking about is twirling a strawberry into a pot of chocolate. The father and other son seem to be in an in depth conversation with one another, completely ignoring the younger one. 

Neil contemplated for a moment. “He invents a new sport. Tries to become the best at it so his father will finally acknowledge him.” 

“Is he?” Andrew asked. “The best?” 

“Nope,” Neil smirked. “Alas, someone is better than him and he’ll never get daddy’s attention.” 

Andrew laughed, “That’s ridiculous. He invented the sport. Surely he’d be somewhat good at it.” 

Neil shrugged, “He can’t help that he sucks.” 

Andrew snuck a glance at the family Neil made up the story about and laughed again. Neil was ridiculous. 

With his quick wittiness, and his smart mouth, and his auburn hair. His holding the door open for Andrew damn well knowing Andrew wouldn’t get in. The way his eyes crinkled as he laughed. The way he clearly had been through some shit but just found everything in the world so wonderful. They way he made sure Andrew was included at lunch, telling Aaron that no, Andrew could not have dinner with him because Andrew already had plans. Picking a perfect fucking restaurant that combined Neil’s weird need for fruit and Andrew’s need for chocolate. 

Neil drove Andrew home and Andrew grabbed Neil’s phone before he could put on any of his love songs. 

“Uh uh,” Neil tsked. “Driver controls the music.” 

“The driver is going to focus on the road,” Andrew said. 

Andrew tapped on a song. It wasn’t one of his usual sad songs, but it wasn’t an over the top love song either. Neil grinned at him and started to tap along to the beat. 

_ All of my life, it's been heartbreak weather _

_ Thinking to myself it won't get better _

_ It can be so lonely in this city _

_ But it feels different when you're with me _

Neil rolled down the windows and soon he and Andrew were singing on top of their lungs. When Neil pulled up to Andrew’s house the song just ended. 

Neil looked at Andrew. 

Andrew looked at Neil. 

Andrew’s heart felt like it was in his throat. 

“Goodnight, Neil.” 

Neil smiled, “Goodnight, Andrew.” 

The lights were all off when Andrew got inside. He shut the front door, and when he heard the car pull away, he leaned his head against the door and closed his eyes. 

_ Fuck. _

There was no more faking it. No way around it. 

He was in love with Neil Josten. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8GwUos_Mtw)
> 
> [the horror that is the giant isopod](https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/giant-isopods-curious-crustaceans-on-the-ocean-floor.html)


	7. whats hurt the most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew has a heart to heart with Nicky, mends his relationship with Aaron and sort of comes to terms with his feelings for Neil.

Andrew turned the music louder. 

He could hear Aaron banging on his door. 

He turned the music louder. 

He laid on his bed with his arms crossed over his eyes. 

“Andrew turn the music down!” 

Andrew turned it louder. And louder. And louder. 

He needed to get a fucking grip. 

_ Feelings?  _ For Neil Josten? 

Jesus fuck. How fucking easy was Andrew? Neil takes him out to eat and suddenly he has feelings? 

_ It wasn’t just dinner,  _ his brain yelled at him,  _ it was more than dinner and you know it.  _

Andrew didn’t want feelings. He didn’t want to give Neil the tools to hurt him. 

Andrew hadn’t seen Neil in school today. Or yesterday. Monday night was when Andrew had his revelation and now it was Thursday. Neil was busy all week after school because Valentine’s Day was on Friday so Love-A-Palooza was Friday night and Neil was helping with the set up because Neil’s Uncle was a sponsor for the event. So Andrew hadn’t even seen Neil since Monday. Neil had reverted back to his cryptid self at lunch leaving Andrew alone with Aaron and Kevin, and to his dismay the rest of the people he used to call friends. 

Tuesday at lunch, Matt and Dan moved tables. Wednesday Allison and Renee joined and then today Jean and Jeremy joined. Basically everything Andrew moved away from when he first decided to not sit with them followed him. Andrew was going to have to find a new table. Again.

The knocking on the door didn’t stop. 

Andrew’s thoughts were too loud and the music wasn’t helping. He needed a different outlet. 

He got up out of bed and flung his door open with more strength than necessary. Aaron and Nicky turned toward him from where they were standing in the hall. Aaron looked annoyed and Nicky looked like he had been trying to calm him down. Nicky actually looked...very tired. When was the last time Andrew had actually looked at Nicky? Had actually spoken to Nicky? Andrew shook his head. Nicky was leaving him for Germany. 

“Did I break up the family meeting?” 

“How could it be a family meeting if you’re not here?” Aaron asked. 

This only made Andrew angrier. Since when the fuck did Aaron care if he was there or not. “Don’t let me interrupt. Continue talking about me.” 

Andrew marched down the stairs to the kitchen, Aaron and Nicky on his heels, and he aggressively started pulling out ingredients to make himself a sandwich. 

“We weren’t talking about you,” Aaron said. “I’ve been asking you to turn down the music for the last two fucking hours, Andrew.” 

“I didn’t want to turn down my music.” He slapped two pieces of bread down on his plate. 

“Clearly,” Aaron bit out. “I don’t know what your problem is this week but you’ve been a real jerk since Monday night. I’m trying to get ahead on homework so I don’t have to worry over the weekend. I just want to go to Love-A-Palooza with Kevin and--” 

Andrew snapped. “Oh, because everything is about Kevin now! Kevin this! Kevin that! What happens when he goes to college, hmm? Your entire life has become the fucking Kevin Day show. What are you going to do when he inevitably gets bored of you and moves on!” 

Aaron flinched as though Andrew had physically slapped him. 

“Andrew.” Nicky never raised his voice unless he was singing on the top of his lungs. Nicky was not singing right now. “Aaron, get your homework done. Andrew and I are going for a drive.” 

Aaron moved, stunned and silent, back up the stairs to his own room. Andrew frowned at Nicky and continued making his sandwich, “I’m not going on a drive.” 

“You are,” Nicky said and he put his shoes on and got the car keys. “We’re going to talk.” 

“I don’t want to talk to you.” 

“Well I want to talk to you!” Nicky’s voice was loud and no nonsense. 

Andrew threw his sandwich materials in the sink, not caring that he would probably have to clean it all up later. He put on his own shoes and grabbed a hoodie from the coat closet, pulling it up over his head and then pulling the strings to almost entirely enclose his face. 

He sat in the passenger seat and didn’t thank Nicky when he turned on the heated seats, knowing that Andrew was not a fan of cold leather. He let his head rest against the window and folded his arms across his chest. Nicky’s music was low. They didn’t speak until Nicky pulled into the McDonald’s drive thru. 

“Chocolate or vanilla?” 

“Chocolate.” 

Nicky ordered two large chocolate milkshakes and a large fry for them to split. This was a common occurrence toward the beginning of the Nicky-Aaron-Andrew family. Nicky always got chocolate. Aaron always got vanilla. Andrew switched it up depending on the day. They would get one large fry to split between all three of them and they would sit in the parking lot until everyone’s milkshakes were done. Andrew always finished first. Aaron always finished last. 

Nicky put the frys in the cup holder and handed Andrew a milkshake. Nicky already took the plastic top off. 

“What you said to Aaron was uncalled for and mean,” Nicky said. 

“I don’t care.” Andrew dipped a fry in his milkshake. 

“You should care,” Nicky said. “Kevin means a lot to Aaron and dismissing their relationship like that was mean. Kevin’s your friend too.” 

“Used to be my friend,” Andrew corrected. “Kevin used to be my friend. Now he’s Aaron’s boyfriend.” 

“Why can’t he be both?” Nicky asked as he took a bite of a fry. “Kevin is your friend. Kevin is Aaron’s boyfriend. Those two sentences can coexist, Andrew.” 

“Kevin hasn’t been my friend since he started dating Aaron.” 

“What makes you say that?” Nicky seemed genuinely puzzled. 

And Andrew was tired. He was just so tired. So he talked. Andrew Minyard fucking  _ talked _ . 

“We all used to hang out together but now it’s like they hang out and I’m just there. I hate being the extra person. I stopped sitting with everyone at lunch because I didn’t want to be the only one there by myself. Aaron used to hang out with me and now it’s like I’m an afterthought to every original plan he has with Kevin. Kevin doesn’t come over for me, he comes over for Aaron. It’s like everyone in the world is paired off and I’m by myself and it really sucks. It really fucking sucks, Nicky.” 

Nicky was about to say something but Andrew had more, “I hate love. I hate couples. I hate that Aaron has someone and I don’t and I’m afraid of what’s going to happen if it doesn’t work out. I hate love because it feels like it’s always taking from me. It’s taken my brother and my best friend and all of my other friends. It’s taking you away to Germany and after I graduate I’m never going to be able to see you again because I’ll be a poor college student with barely enough money to buy my own groceries let alone buy a plane ticket. And how do you know if it’s all even worth it? Eventually in every relationship someone leaves or dies and then you’re alone. And--” 

“Woah, Andrew, wait,” Nicky interrupted. “What are you talking about? I’m not going to Germany.” 

Andrew turned and faced his cousin. “Don’t lie to me.” 

“I’m not lying,” Nicky frowned. “Why do you think I’m going to Germany? Is this why you haven’t been talking to me?” 

Andrew shrugged, “I heard you talking with Erik. He said it made sense for you to move after Aaron and I graduated.” 

Nicky put his milkshake in the other cup holder, and reached out with one hand to take Andrew by the shoulder. “Andrew, listen to me. I am not moving to Germany. What you heard on the phone was just a snippet of a conversation. One that I had tried to explain to you, but you decided to lock yourself in your room and not talk to me.” 

Andrew didn’t make eye contact. “One day I came home early. You didn’t hear me and I heard you tell Erik you would figure it out and it would happen soon.” 

“Okay, we’re going to have a conversation about eavesdropping on other people’s phone calls, but for now I will let it go. I am not moving to Germany after you and Aaron graduate. Erik is moving here. He’s considering keeping his place in Germany as a summer home for us. All of us. Andrew, I know I’m no parent, but I would never move to a different country and leave you and Aaron without a home to come back to. Maybe when you and Aaron are away, depending on how far you both go we’ll relocate somewhere closer but for now? We’re staying right here.” 

Andrew didn’t know what to say. He decided on something dumb, “I heard Erik say it would be a way for you two to find each other again” 

“Yes, Andrew, because after five years of not living together, there will be a lot of catching up to do.” Nicky gave Andrew a pointed look. 

“ _ Oh.  _ Ew! Too much information,” Andrew pushed Nicky’s hand off his shoulder once he understood the implication. 

“That’s what you get for eavesdropping, you brat.” Nicky ruffled Andrew’s hair which Andrew glared at him for before they both got back to their fries and milkshakes. Once they were done, Nicky took their garbage to the trashcan and they headed home. 

Nicky turned off the car when they got into the driveway but neither moved. 

“I love you, Andrew. You’re one of the most important people to me. I need you to know that I would never leave you, and if you’re feeling shitty like this again that you can talk to me. Or you can yell at me and throw sandwich bread into the sink. Whatever floats your boat. But you’re not alone, you’ll always have me. Understand?” 

Andrew swallowed and said quietly, “I love you too.” 

“Good. Now go talk to your brother, and when you’re done we’re going to talk about the boy you’ve been sneaking off with.”

Andrew choked on air, “What? I’m not..There’s no boy!” 

“Yeah, yeah, so you’ve just been going on dates with a ghost?” Nicky teased. 

“They weren’t--” Oh, who the fuck was Andrew kidding. He’d been going out on dates with Neil Josten since the very first time at Sweetie’s. Andrew conceded, “Not tonight. But I’ll tell you about him soon.” 

When Andrew got up the stairs, Aaron’s door was shut and there was no light coming out from underneath. Andrew knocked. 

No answer. 

Andrew knocked again. 

Something was thrown at the door. 

Andrew took it as a sign that he could come in. Aaron was lying on his bed, on his back, closest to the wall. There was just enough room for Andrew to lay next to him. He took off his shoes before doing so, when he turned to face his brother he noticed wet tear tracks down his face. 

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“But you did,” Aaron said. 

“I know,” Andrew replied. “It was wrong.” 

“No,” Aaron said. “You were right. We haven’t talked about it. I don’t even know all the schools he applied to. Jean and Jeremy are planning on going to California, Kevin might follow them.” 

“Or he might stay in Palmetto.” 

“Yeah.” 

The two laid in silence. Andrew didn’t know what to say. He would say that he didn’t mean to send his brother into a panic spiral about the future of his relationship with Kevin but when Andrew had sent those words out, that was his exact intention. All he could do now is try and help. 

“Aaron?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I’m sorry,” Andrew Minyard did not apologize frequently. But if someone deserved to hear the words come out of his mouth it was either going to be Aaron or Nicky. Andrew took a breath. This was his brother. He could be honest with him. “I’ve been shitty lately. I felt left out. Everyone was getting together and I had no one.” 

Aaron turned on his side to stare at Andrew’s profile. Andrew continued, “I don’t know. I always thought I was stronger. I didn’t need anyone. Then you and Kevin were hanging out more and then you got together and I felt...abandoned. It didn’t feel like how it used to. It felt like I was intruding because the two of you have something stronger than just friendship now and I was alone.” 

“We’re twins,” Aaron said. “The whole point of having a twin is that you’re never alone.” 

“That is a cheesy line from a Rainbow Rowell book and it will not work on me.” 

“I had to try,” Aaron laughed. “But seriously, Andrew. Just say the word and me and you will hang out. Fuck. Just say the word and just you and Kevin can hang out. I didn’t realize you felt this way.” 

“I never said anything.” 

“You don’t have to,” Aaron said. “Not say anything, I mean. If Kevin and I are being annoying you can tell us to fuck off. You’ve never shied away from saying it before. I meant it when I said nothing had to change. I never wanted anything to change.” 

“Except where he sleeps when he stays over?” 

Aaron laughed, “Yes! Except where he sleeps when he stays over but Nicky will still not let Kevin cross into my bedroom so I guess he’s stuck on the couch until further notice.” 

Andrew laughed too because as forward as Nicky was with what he and Erik got up to he still wouldn’t budge, even before Aaron and Kevin were dating, Kevin always had to stay on the couch. 

“I’m sorry for being shitty.” 

“Wow two apologies in one night? Call the press.” 

“Don’t push it.” 

“I’m sorry, too,” Aaron said. “For not noticing how you were feeling. You never said anything but if I wasn’t so wrapped up in Kevin I could have noticed.”

Andrew hummed in acknowledgement and the two laid silent again. It felt as though things were as they were before. “For what it’s worth I’m rooting for you and Kevin.” 

“Thanks. I’m rooting for you and Neil.” 

Andrew turned to stare wide-eyed at Aaron. “Excuse me?” 

“You and Neil. It’s sort of obvious.” 

“How is it obvious? I just figured out I had feelings for him Monday night.” 

“So that’s what happened Monday night,” Aaron muttered to himself. “Well it was obvious to me.”

Andrew didn’t respond. He had spent his whole life denying love and then Neil pops up and does exactly what he sought out to do. Change Andrew’s mind about love. 

And at that thought, Andrew was quickly sobered up. That was the plan from the beginning. Neil wanted to change Andrew’s mind about love. Neil wasn’t actually interested in Andrew. 

“Woah, okay, what is happening right now? You’re thinking very loudly and I’m getting a lot of negative energy from you.” 

Andrew told him his thought process. 

“Okay, firstly, I am consistently impressed with how far you are able to reach. Secondly, what did you know about Neil Josten before you started hanging out with him besides the fact that his shirts usually had stupid puns on them?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Exactly,” Aaron said. “Nothing. No one knows anything about him, really. Except for you now. Neil doesn’t seem like the kind of person to just share his life story with anyone who will listen. But he told  _ you _ . He hung out with  _ you.  _ He took  _ you _ to a fancy fondue restaurant.  _ You _ stood at his house for a whole weekend and watched movies with him. He likes you, Andrew. Stop trying to talk yourself out of this.” 

“I don’t even know what  _ this _ is.” 

“ _ This _ is love.” 

“It’s been two weeks,” Andrew pointed out. “That’s too fast.” 

“Stop getting hung up on semantics. When did you know you loved me?” Aaron asked. 

“I don’t know,” Andrew frowned. “I just always have.” 

“Exactly. And I’ve always loved you. Why? Because we are brothers. When did I know I loved Nicky? No idea, I just always have. I told you, there’s different forms of love. You would have known all this sooner if you weren’t running your own anti-love crusade. Look it up, okay? Or better yet, have Neil tell you about it.” 

Neil had told him about it. Andrew just didn’t listen. 

“I’ll go with you to Love-A-Palooza,” Andrew decided then and there, eager to change the subject. “You can kiss Kevin once in my presence. If you want more you have to find a corner to hide in.” 

Aaron smiled, “Deal. I think you’re going to have a good time.” 

Andrew doubted it. But now his mind felt a little clearer. Without having to worry about Nicky or Aaron his mind was an empty field for Neil Josten to run around in. 

Love was scary, but Andrew had never once felt afraid of Neil. 

And if love had given him Aaron and Nicky…

Well, how bad could it be? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qH4qyi1-Ys)
> 
> ONE MORE CHAPTER AFTER THIS!!!


	8. strawberries and cigarettes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew leaned down and kissed Neil and by some magic, Neil kissed him back.

Very bad. That was the answer to the question “how bad could love be?” 

Love-A-Palooza was an infestation of couples everywhere. Andrew almost got knocked down by some girl running and jumping into her boyfriend's arms. There was far too much PDA, like, fuck, did these people have no shame? Andrew has seen way too many tongues and they’ve only all been here for what’s felt like fifteen minutes. 

Besides the couples, there were various groups of single people all hovering, friends pushing friends to go talk to other single people. It was like a damn battleground except all the red wasn’t blood. It was heart shaped cookies and streamers. 

“Remember when I said this was going to suck?” Andrew asked his brother who was safe from the reckless and horny attendees upon his perch on Kevin’s shoulders. 

“Actually you said it was going to be lame. This isn’t lame. It’s fun! We’re all having fun!” 

Andrew glared and hoped one of the many flying pink heart shaped beach balls knocked Aaron out. 

“Come on,” Kevin pulled Andrew into his side, away from a man who wore nothing but a very tiny heart cloth covering his junk. “I see Allison, I’ll guard you until we get there.” 

Andrew had his own conversation with Kevin after he had left Aaron’s room the night before. Well, really, he bullied Nicky into driving him to Kevin’s house, woke him up from a nap, chewed him out for being incapable of managing a best friend and a boyfriend (especially when they lived at the same place), and then told him that he better figure his college shit out and communicate his thoughts to Aaron. And also that he maybe, sort of missed hanging out with him. But if anyone ever asked, Andrew would deny it. 

It was a good talk. 

Allison was in the process of spreading out three giant pink comforters for their group to sit on. Andrew chose the one that was also holding the snacks. Jeremy sat near him and started talking about his plans for spring break which Andrew only half listened to. He had missed his friends. 

Renee said she was glad to see him and that it felt like it’d been so long. They made plans for the following weekend that didn’t include Allison, though then he did make plans with Allison to go shopping with her and Dan because prom season was coming up and they needed to claim outfits before anyone else. 

Andrew felt good. The music started and people cheered for the shitty local bands. Andrew didn’t care for much of the music until he watched a very familiar redhead take the stage. 

Aaron nudged him in the arm. 

“Hi,” Neil said into the microphone. “My name is Neil Josten and I’m going to sing a song for Andrew Minyard.” 

All of Andrew’s friends turned toward him. Andrew shrugged. He didn’t know what to expect. Neil Josten was standing on a stage was a fucking acoustic guitar (which Andrew didn’t even know he  _ owned _ ) and just announced to a whole crowd of people that he was going to sing a song for him. How did he even-- 

He turned toward his brother, “Did you tell him I was going to be here?” 

“No!”

Andrew narrowed his eyes. 

“It wasn’t me!” Aaron swore. 

“It was me.” 

Andrew turned toward Matt. 

Matt shrugged. “Neil and I are, like, best friends, Andrew. We have been. For a while. He told me to text him if you ended up showing up.” 

And well, Andrew didn’t have a response to that. He never really paid a lot of attention to Matt. 

Andrew focused his attention on the stage where Neil stood, sheepishly in front of the microphone. His eyes were darting around, looking for Andrew. When they finally landed on Andrew, Neil smiled and then began to sing.

Andrew recognized the song as the one Neil let him play from his phone when they were driving home. 

_ I swear there was lightning coming from your eyes _

_ Starting a fire in a hotel room _

_ And yeah we were dancing, dancing to Bruno _

_ And I couldn't turn away from you _

_ Yeah I saw you smiling, breaking the silence _

_ Telling me just what you want _

_ There in the moment, I was reminded _

_ I haven't felt this way in a while _

_ Blinded by the sparks _

_ We were driving around in the dark _

_ Finding reasons to stay where we are _

Andrew’s crowd recognized the song as well and started singing and jumping around. Neil’s eyes stayed on Andrew’s. With all of Andrew’s friends around Andrew could barely see Neil anymore. Kevin came toward Andrew and crouched down, “So you can see your man.” 

Andrew looked at Aaron who just smiled reassuringly and nodded. Andrew sighed. This was happening. He was getting onto Kevin Day’s shoulder so he could be tall enough to make eye contact with the redheaded pipedream who was singing him a fucking Niall Horan love song. 

_ All of my life I've been sleep-walk living _

_ Running around the same bars I've been in _

_ It can be so lonely in this city _

_ But it feels different when you're with me _

_ All of my life, it's been heartbreak weather _

_ Thinking to myself it won't get better _

_ It can be so lonely in this city _

_ But it feels different when you're with me _

Andrew sang along with Neil and when the song was over he jumped down from Kevin’s shoulders and ran toward where the stage ended. The section for artists was gated off, but that didn’t stop Andrew. He climbed over the top, ignoring the calls from security. He didn’t stop until he crashed right into Neil. Neil fell flat on his ass and Andrew fell on top of him. Andrew pushed himself up so he was on all fours above Neil. 

“What did you figure out? The first day we started this. You said you figured it out,” Andrew breathed. 

Neil raised his hand to cup Andrew's cheek. Andrew leaned into the warmth. “I figured out that it wasn’t love you hated. It was being alone. And then I realized that I didn't need to try and change your mind about love. I needed to show you that there were different kinds of love. And that you were deserving of each and every kind.” 

“Tell me,” Andrew said. “What kind of love do you have for me?” 

Neil grinned, “The kind that could set this whole world aflame.” 

Andrew leaned down and kissed Neil and by some magic, Neil kissed him back. They were kissing on the ground, Andrew’s hands by Neil’s head, Neil’s hands on Andrew’s cheeks, security trying to figure out if they should kick Andrew out for trespassing or if this was what Love-A-Palooza was all about. 

When they pulled apart, they both were smiling. 

“I broke my promise,” Andrew said. “You told me not to fall in love with you.” 

“That’s okay. I fell in love with you too.” 

“You didn’t promise not to.”

“I knew I wouldn’t have been able to keep it.” 

Andrew kissed Neil again for that one. And then again just because he could. And again. And again. And again until his friends found him and dragged both him and Neil away so that they could enjoy the rest of the show. 

Andrew sat on the blanket with Neil’s arm around him. He looked around his friends. Andrew, Neil, Aaron, Kevin, Allison, Renee, Dan, Matt, Jean, Jeremy. No “and’s”. 

They just were, and Andrew loved them all. 

* * *

“Tell me again.” 

Andrew and Neil were lying in Andrew’s backyard while Nicky pretended like he wasn’t spying on them even though Nicky had never washed a dish in his life (“This is what dishwashers are for” Nicky always said) yet he’d been at the sink scrubbing the same plate since Andrew and Neil walked outside. 

“Eros, Philia, Storge, Ludus, Mania, Pragma, Philautia, and Agape.” Neil recited with his eyes clothes. 

Andrew paid attention now whenever Neil went on about the different forms of love. Not like that first night at the diner when Neil had dismissed him or when Aaron tried to talk to him about it and he dismissed him as well. 

_ Philia. Brotherly love.  _ This was what Andrew had with Kevin. Friends since childhood, they’d grown up together, they respected each other. 

_ Storge. Naturally occurring. Aaron and Nicky.  _ Andrew didn’t know when he started to love Aaron or Nicky. He just always had. They were his first family and the most important people to him. He couldn’t imagine a world without them or where he didn’t love them. 

_ Eros. Ludus. Pragma. Neil. Hopefully always Neil.  _ Andrew wanted to kiss Neil. He wanted Neil to kiss him. He wanted to laugh at Neil’s stupid pun shirts, and wanted Neil to never stop texting him cheesy pick up lines even though Andrew acted like he hated them. He wanted to choose Neil every day and wanted Neil to choose him back. He wanted equal effort with Neil. 

_ P _ _ hilautia _ . This was the hardest one for Andrew to come to terms with, but with a little bit of help, he finally got there. 

Andrew Minyard deserved love, in each and every form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. 
> 
> [chapter song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mw5mAozjC6M)

**Author's Note:**

> say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/bazerella)
> 
> title inspire by this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4L3EQ6ljcU)
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated <3


End file.
